Observations from a guy who pretends to know more than you do but knows how stupid he really is.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

How Did Your Date Go Last Night?

HE: Hi.
SHE: Hi.
HE: You look nice tonight. I like the way your top... ahem... ahem...
SHE: You can see my breasts... Right?
They're nice aren't they?
HE: Yeah. You're the first girl here I've seen not wearing a bra. But everyone else can see you, too
SHE: Yeah, but I'm covered. 
You're the only one who has to know what I'm not wearing.
HE: OK. Shall we go?
SHE: Sure. My motorbike is over there.
HE: You have a nice motorcycle.
SHE: Yes, but a real man would pick me up at my house.
HE: I don't have an international driver's license. AndI don't know how to operate a motorcycle.
SHE: OK. Do you have a helmet? It's the law, you know.
HE: Let me get upstairs and get it...

HE: OK. Where are you taking us?
SHE: To a coffeehouse in the west part of town.
HE: Good, I can put my arms around you so I don't fall off.
HE: OK, OK... I can just sit up. Be careful driving...

[Silence for the next twenty minutes.]


SHE: Here we are.
HE: Let me hold your hand as we go inside.
HE: Well, maybe I can when we dance.
WAITER: (Local language. You know he is asking how many people there will be at the table.)
HE: Hey, this is a nice place. It's very dark. I like it.
SHE: It needs a light. You might get fresh with me.
HE: I hope so.
SHE:  You know, I always thought you were such a gentleman. But all you want to do is touch me. I don't understand you.
HE: It's what men and women do with each other. Especially when they go out on a date.
SHE: Local men don't act this way.
HE: (under his breath, very quietly)  Not in public, anyway...
(aloud) When did you last go out on a date?
SHE: This afternoon with you, when you took me to Lucky Burger.
HE: That wasn't a date.
SHE: You bought me a Jumbo Burger.
HE: We spent the whole time in the hamburger place. All we did was eat hamburgers.
SHE: What else do you do on a date?
HE: I was hoping to show you later on. I cleaned out my apartment, in case you might want to spend the night.
SHE:  ...you WHAT!
HE: And seeing you in public, almost naked, I had a good feeling about getting to be with you tonight.
SHE: All you foreign men think about is sex...
HE: That's not true.
SHE: I should have worn a bra.
HE: Front hook or back hook? Front hook is more fun because I can touch you as I'm opening it. But the back hook is easier. I can unhook it with one hand.
SHE: I have a headache. I think we should go home.
HE: Fine, come to my place. I have aspirin from America.
SHE: And then you will want me to lie down.
HE: After you take a hot shower.
SHE: And you would join me?
HE: Sure. I need to scrub your back!
SHE: All you think about is sex!


The next day the following e-mail was received:

Had a wonderful time last night. Call me in a couple of days. I can't wait until we go out again!

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I am writing this page anonymously. I am well known in certain parts of the world. Trained in one job and working in another job for the past 30 years. But I've done many other things.