Observations from a guy who pretends to know more than you do but knows how stupid he really is.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Why are Americans So Funny?

  1. They are fat.
  2. They are too tall and hit their head on signs. Ha ha!
  3. The women have big breasts.
  4. They go to the beach to make their skin dark. Don't they know that only poor people have dark skin. Why do they want to look poor?
  5. They eat snack food for meals.
  6. They have big noses.
  7. The men are almost always circumcized. Ouch, that must hurt.
  8. They are so hairy. Even the women.
  9. They eat such strange food.
  10. They are afraid of motorcycles.
  11. They eat bread for every meal.
  12. They don't like rice.
  13. They drink Coca-Cola like water.
  14. They don't usually eat breakfast.
  15. If they do eat breakfast, they eat candy.
  16. Beards are ugly. Especially on women.
  17. They don't speak English clearly. It's not the way we learned it in school.
  18. They don't think they are fat. We all know they are fat.
  19. They don't think our fart jokes are funny. Their farts must reek to high heaven with all the fatty stuff they eat!
  20. They eat quietly.
  21. They wear shoes into the house.
  22. They sometimes stand on their high rise apartment balcony naked.
  23. They look funny naked. (I never knew people look like that!)
  24. They pretend to be puritanical with regards to modesty, but you know the men like to look at our girls naked.
  25. They take our comments so personally... about how old they are, how fat they are, how stupid they are, how they don't know our language, or our culture...
  26. Most of them don't smoke. 
  27. They seem so worked up about good nutrition, yet will eat six doughnuts for breakfast.
  28. They don't know the healthful benefits of monosodium gluatmate (MSG).
  29. They have to wear shoes when they eat.
  30. We kill our dog so they will have something good to eat when they visit us, yet they act like we are serving one of their children... Sir? It's just a dog... It's not a human being...

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I am writing this page anonymously. I am well known in certain parts of the world. Trained in one job and working in another job for the past 30 years. But I've done many other things.