So What Happened to You Today?

• I got hit by a motorcycle going down the wrong side of the street as I was watching for traffic coming from the other way.


• I ordered vanilla ice cream and got orange sherbet.


• A boy told me he could polish my shoes for the equivalent of US $.45. The complete shine came to the equivalent of US $4.50.


• When I tell people they don't understand the local language, they repeat what they just said slower and slower.


• I ate meat that came from small domesticated animals.


• I had to stay off the sidewalk because the motorcycles were using it instead of the street.


• The rest room in my office was made off limits. Because of my high rank, I have to use a rest room about 200 yards away. What if I get diarrhea?


• The dentist couldn't pull my tooth out because she wasn't strong enough.


• I noticed when i finished drinking a glass of water at work, they took the glass I just drank from and put it with the others, without washing it. What if I got sick?


• I saw a car cut off an ambulance on the highway.
  

How did your day go?

What Am I Doing Here?

I am ignored because I know the truth. And the truth contradicts TV. You know what they say, if you see it on TV, you can believe it. Or was that the Internet?

Anyway, let me introduce myself. Actually, I can tell you who I am. What you can know about me is that I am located in some Asian country that eats with chopsticks. I am an American from a Southwestern state. My accent is a bit of a drawl but I speak fast. When it gets to be warm and humid here, the folks can't believe that it isn't hot to me; that I have lived in hotter places.

Speaking of that, the local textbooks give a description of the weather conditions for the desert. They say it's hot in the day and cold at night. Now, since I come from a desert, I discussed this with the geography teacher at the high school where I used to teach. I told her that I am from a desert in America. She said there are no deserts in America. I mentioned the Mojave Desert, the Sonora Desert, and Death Valley. I mentioned the cities: Las Vegas, Palm Springs, Phoenix, and Tucson. Of course, she corrected me on the pronunciation on the last two cities. Silly me, I should know the way to pronounce them is FOE-nicks and TUX-on.

But she got really irritated when I told her about desert weather. She insisted the textbook is correct. I told her to go to the websites Weather. com and Weather Underground. She told me all the websites lie. (Later, she would say, "You know you can believe it because it's on the Internet." Right)

Well, I am writing this site because while the people of whom I am guest here at this foreign country might seem nice, I and several other people are under the impression that they are the rudest people in the world. And I intend to prove it. So long as no one knows who I am or what country I am coming from I can keep going...

Are you coming?